Episode 4: Repair Your Relationship With Your Body

IBS and other digestive disorders may leave you feeling betrayed by your body. Over time, this creates distrust between you and your body, and can become a toxic relationship.

This episode is a conversation around how this toxicity develops and what you can do to repair your relationship with your body in order to restore trust and move towards recovery from your symptoms.

You can check out the podcast on iTunes here, Spotify here, and on YouTube here! Below is a full transcript of the episode if you prefer to read through it or want notes.

Don’t forget to connect to others in The GUT Community, a Facebook group for those with IBS and digestive disorders to support one another and dive deeper into each episode together.

Welcome back to the gut show! I'm your host, Erin Judge, and I'm so excited for today's episode because we get to talk about repairing your relationship with your body! This episode is so near and dear to my heart because this is something that I see my clients fight for every single day. And this is something that I fought hard for, and my personal journey with IBS.

If you remember our previous episode, the one on my birthday, season two, episode two, I talked a lot about my own story and my history with IBS, and I talked on this a little bit, but today, I want to go deeper into this relationship with your body aspect and how you can actually start fighting and working for a better relationship with your body, whether that is with IBS, disordered eating backgrounds, just being a human alive in the world or another chronic illness that you are working through….so the ways that IBS and other digestive disorders can create an unhealthy relationship with the body is that you could feel betrayed by your body.

With IBS, because we don't have great diagnostic and testing, it's hard to identify exactly what is going on with functional gut disorders. When the function is off, there's a lot of components to that, there's a lot of layers to that, there's a lot of reasons that that might be happening, but it's hard for us to truly identify and target what is going on. Because of that lack of clarity, when it comes to getting a diagnosis and getting those testing, getting the testing done, it's easy to feel betrayed by your own body. So the feeling is okay, my body has completely betrayed me and has decided not to function for me. There's also this lack of trust in your body. So if you're in a relationship with a person, think about what would happen the minute that you lose trust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, the lack of trust typically leads to the relationship falling apart if it's not mended that together. With IBS, because there's, okay, I feel betrayed by my body, my body doesn't seem to work for me, and my body doesn't seem to work in a consistent manner or pattern, I don't know what to expect from my body, and so I don't have trust in my body.

There's also the trust on the back end, so vice versa, the body likely doesn't trust you either. A lot of times with IBS what we see is, people fall into this self-sabotage cycle, this is something we always have to work through and can be really challenging when you're in the middle of it, and you whenever you come across it, you kind of have to embrace it. And the self-sabotage cycle is, you know, I know that this is going to make things worse, but I do it anyways. And that can be a conscious or subconscious pattern and thought process, but it is still true. And so what tends to happen is I don't trust my body, I don't trust my body to work this out. I don't trust my body to support me in this moment. I don't trust my body to do this well. And then I either manipulate my body, or I sabotage my body because of this lack of trust, and now my body does not trust me either, which means it's overreacting even more, so there's a cycle of trust that's missing.

And then another piece of this is body dysmorphia. So body dysmorphia is the idea of the way that I am seeing and feeling in my body is different than what I think I should be seeing or feeling, if that makes sense. It feels like you're not at home in your own body. With IBS this is so strong, because of a few things. One, the symptoms themselves can actually change the way that the body looks and feels….so bloat, gas, you know those types of symptoms, you might look and feel one way when you wake up, and then by the end of the day, your clothes aren't fitting, and you just feel completely different, and it can make you feel like your body isn't your home, which is a big piece.

Another piece of this is that visceral hypersensitivity that we talked about in earlier episodes. And so this is where the gut brain connection is a bit off, and so sensations are much more severe. So remember, we're more sensitive to those sensations, which means an increase in pain, and it can feel dysmorphic, and that okay, I have gas and I know after periods of time of being told “it's just gas”, I know it's just gas. I feel like I am in so much pain that I am literally going to bust open, like I want to rip my stomach open. And that feeling that doesn't seem to match what's truly happening, whether that be something you've determined or others are telling you, can lead to what we call body dysmorphia, which then fuels that lack of trust, it fuels that feeling of betrayal, and it can also feel hate towards the body and frustration towards one's own body.

Some of the results of having this unhealthy relationship, this toxic relationship within your own body: number one is the distrust. So that is a result as well, and that distrust can look like anxiety and fear, and it can also look like the self-sabotage that I talked about earlier, which is another result. And so self-sabotage is a big one. and this might present as self-harm. We see that happen often, you know, the quality of life studies that we have proved that IBS does get in the way of quality of life, and the gut disorders are huge in that, and so we might see self harm from more, I guess, an expected form if you will, like self-harm that we see with mental health conditions.

We could also see self-harm and self-sabotage in indirect ways, which can look like skipping meals because you don't want to have symptoms. And so not feeding your body and not nourishing your body can be a form of self-harm. It could be overindulging in triggers that you know are going to cause symptoms. And so it's the mindset of “ I already have symptoms” or “I already don't feel good, so I might as well eat the whole gallon of ice cream, instead of having just a bowl, because it doesn't matter, right?” Some of the self-harm is disguised as “healthy”, and that would be like skipping meals, like, oh, well, I'm going to skip breakfast because, you know, fasting is supposed to be good for me, but indirectly, what you're really saying is, okay, I'm skipping breakfast, because my body feels bloated from the night before, and, you know, my body doesn't deserve to have any food, it's just gonna feel worse, you know, whatever it might be.

We have a lot of those indirect and direct ways that we might self-harm or self-sabotage ourselves, and then a big, big, big one. So this is the result that happens over time, is the inability to listen to what your body is actually communicating. One thing that I hear a lot when I start working with clients, and this is something I work through as well, we start talking about, okay, what are your hunger and fullness cues? Like, what are you noticing? Do you notice when you're satisfied? Do you notice when symptoms are starting, like, what are you noticing in your body? And a lot of times, what they'll say is, you know, I don't know, I honestly don't know….I don't feel hungry, I don't feel full. I don't know what my body is saying, I don't know where my symptoms are linked.

And people may say, you know, I've started keeping a log or a journal that my doctor told me, I have no idea what is going on. And so that could be linked to that inability to listen to what your body is saying. The reason why is that communication is not going to be clear and understood if there is no trust, right? Trust is the center of a relationship.

And I want you to think about this, like your relationship with your friend, that might be your spouse, your best friend, a friend, think about one person. Now think about how you've grown in relationship, and how your communication has changed over time. So early on in the relationship, communication may have been surface level, you may have missed each other, maybe more arguments or miscommunication. As trust has been built, whether that be from working through trust being broken down, you know, as trust got stronger, think about how the communication got better. The same is going to be true of you and your own body. The key is not just listening to your body, the key is to first make sure that you are repairing the relationship you have with your body and working on that relationship and that trust, and then the communication will come from that. And then you get to honor your communication, and you really get to honor your self-care, which then will improve your relationship even more.

So this is where intuitive eating and you know the intuition models may fit in. A lot of times we try to get the intuition piece in front. If the relationship is not repaired, sometimes the intuition doesn't fit yet, so it's really important to make sure we're digging into this base layer, digging deep and repairing this foundation so that we can increase intuition, which is our key for long term and sustainable health outcomes, whatever area they may be in.

Okay, so why does the body relationship have to be repaired? So a few pieces of this, one is what I just talked about. But the layers of this, and what that road would look like, is that you want to get on the same team as your body. If you are working against your body, likely you will not have a lot of success in managing your symptoms that's not in a place of over restriction and control, right? Intuition is where we want to be, we're working as a team. So you want to get on the same team and be with your body, not working on your body against your body, and there's a very big difference.

Two is you want to be able to listen to your body, you want to be able to understand what your body is saying to you, so that you can work through your symptoms and work through strategies more effectively.

Number three, you want to practice self-care and self-compassion. Practicing self-care is a great way to combat stress, and also be able to improve again, the communication that you have with yourself, as well as remedies or your symptoms. Self-compassion is a way that we think about ourselves, we talk back to ourselves, and we treat ourselves as we go through life. And so as things go wrong, as we do things that are wrong, it's that combat for shame, and guilt, which is awesome. I highly recommend the book, Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, a little tag there, if you want to learn more about that.

And then the last reason why we want to make sure we're repairing this relationship is that we want to be able to push through hard times without self-sabotage. So with IBS, things are not going to be perfect uphill as you start managing your symptoms. It's going to be rocky, there are going to be things that are out of your control, there's also going to do things in your control that you don't do perfectly all the time and that is okay, so remember self-compassion there, it's important. And then we want to be able to push through those tough times, you want to push through the symptoms, want to push through the work that is really hard and not fair, without self-sabotage, so that we can keep making forward progress.

Okay, so how do we actually repair this relationship? We're going to get quick to it, I recommend maybe listening to this twice, going deep into this, take notes, so press pause, come back, here is what you can start doing. One: understand what's actually going on in your body, so learn about IBS, and why your body is responding how it is, there's so much power in knowledge.

One thing I hear in the digestive health world, especially in digestive disorders, like IBS, is that doctors or maybe medical professionals are trusted, you know, peers, we give recommendations quickly, the explanation of why to develop an understanding of what's happening is typically missed. A lot of times this happens because maybe we don't ask the right questions, and so they don't know that there's a gap in knowledge, it can also happen because of lack of time spent with people. And so I really encourage you to go to school for IBS, go to school for your condition, find a professional that is educating and truly understand what is going on in your body from trusted, credible sources. And then understand why your body is communicating the way it is so that you are now understanding what your body is working through.

Next process the thoughts that you have about your body and uncover beliefs that are fueling those thoughts. This is the hard work, and this is where you might want some mental health professional guidance, whether it be a therapist, a psychologist, a counselor, somebody to help you process through this. Start thinking about hey, what do I say about my body? And what do I truly believe and think about my body? And just write it down. No filters, just write it down. It'll be tough, but do it. And then dig deep into those thoughts and think about what belief do I have that is fueling this thought? Next, change those beliefs through therapy if you need to, journaling and affirmations. So you process them to uncover your beliefs, now we change the beliefs, so we get to the root of what's going on, and we work through that through either therapy, journaling and affirmations. If you have a spiritual practice, that might fit in here.

We may have different encouragement, you may have to talk through this with somebody, this is where you want to do that hard work of changing your beliefs, and that's a lifelong thing, right? Because those toxic beliefs might try to trickle back in, so you want to have strategies in place for continuing to change those beliefs.

Next is learn how to practice self-compassion, to have kindness towards oneself, and comfort yourself as you go through times like flairs. Learning self-compassion and self-comfort is key. I recommended the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, that's one of my favorite resources for this. You can also lookup the practice of self-compassion, maybe find a practitioner, get a therapist or psychologist that specializes in self-compassion to help you with this. This is not fluffy self-love, just love yourself, accept yourself, this is clear, like psychological strategies that you can use, and the tools are invaluable. So go practice self-compassion, to have kindness towards yourself, and learn self-comfort!

Next is to change your language about and to your body. Note what you were saying about yourself. Note what you were saying to yourself, and note what you're allowing to be said about you. So process through journaling, that's a great way to do this, stop yourself in your tracks and verbalize out loud. So when you look in the mirror and say, oh, like it's so frustrating, my bloat is really annoying, I'm unattractive, whatever you may think, in the moment, my body deserves care and compassion right now. My body is beautiful no matter what my stomach is doing right now. My body is strong, my body is giving me breath and life and allowing me to go through my day, every moment, whatever it might be. Change that language about and to your body, this will go back into changing your beliefs and really anchoring those beliefs deep. Practice mindfulness in your day to create a presence with yourself and space to listen to your body. Mindfulness, creating that space to be present, to be mindful, to be connected, that will allow space for communication to happen. So it's nonjudgmental mindfulness, nonjudgmental presence with yourself. Being with yourself, not distracted from yourself.

Next is to prioritize enjoyable experiences with your body. So this can be movement forms of self-care, guided meditations, self-pleasure, however you feel you can connect to your body in an enjoyable way. So again, think about that friend, spouse, significant other, whoever it may be. You guys built love for each other, from enjoyable, positive experiences with each other. We want to do the same thing with ourselves. So with your self-care plan, how can you create enjoyable experiences. This is where I love alignment-based movement where you're touching your body and you're noting the cues of okay, foot pushing down knee over ankle, hip square, you're able to really connect to your body and feel it working. If you don't already touch your body as you move, do it, feel the muscle of my bicep, it's strong, I feel the muscle coming on. That's an enjoyable experience that you can have with yourself.

The next one is when your body speaks, honor the cues and adjust as you learn your body's language. Don't be afraid to get it wrong. Honor the cue you think you hear, and then if you hear it wrong, and it gets mixed up and you fumble a little bit, great. Learn from it and adjust the next time so that you can learn your body's language. If you're hungry, eat. If you're full, stop. If your body is craving movement, move. If you're ready to sleep, sleep. If you want to have a dance party, have a dance party. Really listen to your body and try to honor every single cue you hear or you think you hear, and then learn your body's language by adjusting to what you find through honoring the cue and taking action.

And then the last one is to celebrate every single small win with your body. Celebrate with yourself. So keeping, I like to call it a win list, a celebration list, where you write down every small win that you have, and then as you begin to build confidence with those small wins, the big wins are going to come, so celebrate every small win with your body.

Alright, hope that was helpful. Again, go back through re-listen a couple of times, take the notes you need to create an action plan, and then know that this process is going to require commitment over time. This is really about progress over perfection and know that it might be lifelong. It's okay, there is no ideal standard here, and there's no comparison of the journey, it's just about growing and progressing in time with yourself. The way that we do this in our programs, and this is at the core of everything that we do, I believe this matters more than any food I can put in or take away from your diet, and so we implement this in our master method program at the start, and then we weave it into the entire program. And that is our signature group program for women with IBS.

We also weave this into our one to one programs, which are five-month individualized programs for those dealing with digestive disorders and need some professional help. If you're interested in having that kind of guidance that is built more than just around food and lifestyle changes, but really built into this relationship with yourself, then you can schedule a complimentary console call to see if one of these would be the right fit for you.

Thank you so much for tuning in! As always, I want to know what you heard, what stuck with you, and what you're taking action on, so screenshot this episode, go over to Instagram and then in your story, just tag me @erinjudge.rd and share your biggest takeaway! Or send me a message if you would rather do it privately. And then as always, your review means so much, so if this was valuable for you, please take a moment, leave a review and help us share this message with others who are struggling as well.

I hear you I see you. I am alongside you. I'm on your team and I'm rooting for you and your digestive health journey. Thank you for tuning in, and I will see you on the next episode!