Is your doctor gaslighting you?
Have you ever had your doctor make you feel like you’re losing your mind? Or like you’ve made up the severity of your concerns?
Have you left feeling completely dismissed, like you’re “too much,” and without any real solutions?
There may be a chance you’ve experienced medical gaslighting…
Listen to The Gut Show episode on this topic on iTunes or Spotify, watch the video below, or keep reading to what gaslighting is, red flags to watch for, and what to do.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation, where a person or group makes someone question their own sanity, memory, or perception of events.
This is often done in an attempt to gain more power or control. Gaslighting can take many forms, including denial that certain events occurred, making someone doubt their own recollection of events, or using contradicting statements to confuse the person being gaslit.
The term "gaslighting" comes from the 1938 play "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that anything has changed. That’s when this common manipulation tactic got a name. Now, it’s a word you’ll see all over media.
What is medical gaslighting?
Medical gaslighting refers to the manipulation or withholding of information by medical professionals, leading a patient to question their own understanding or perception of their health condition.
This can include denying the existence of a patient's symptoms, dismissing their concerns, or providing false or misleading information. Often this will come through as “it can’t be that bad…” or “if it was that bad, then…” or “are you sure you’re not just stressed?” or even “it’s just x so it can’t be that…”
What’s your poop personality? Find out here!
Medical gaslighting can have a significant negative impact on a patient's mental and physical well-being, and can undermine trust in the medical profession as a whole. For many, this leads to significant stress and anxiety, which can worsen the gaslighting because now the stress and worry is truly present, but it’s not the reason for the overall complaints.
Another note I want to make is that medical gaslighting doesn’t always have to be false information, but instead can be withholding information or resources.
Examples:
You do have anxiety driving symptoms and your doctor says “it’s just anxiety” versus validating your experience BECAUSE OF anxiety and giving you all options for dealing with the anxiety.
Your diet may be playing a role in symptoms and your doctor says “just eat healthier” or “if you were really doing what I said, you wouldn’t be here” (in relation to a previous “just do x” tip) instead of validating that your symptoms are complex and giving you a referral to a dietitian to help you with your diet so you can have more targeted care.
You show up stressed and overwhelmed and your doctor says “you need to calm down” when you start crying or showing emotion versus validating how hard it can be to live with this and then providing options for support, including referrals to mental health professions (with compassion)
Your test results come back and the doctor says “great news, everything is normal so it’s just IBS” and there’s no referrals or resources for you with the proven solutions to help - just reassurance that you don’t have cancer.
This is the more common version of gaslighting I see my patients experience and I’ve even experienced myself as a patient. This usually isn’t intentional from the provider and they may not realize they are doing this. This is why communication is so important, so they can learn and you can feel more empowered in what you deserve versus just accept what you’ve been given.
Red flags that you’ve been gaslit
If those examples weren’t enough for you to connect with, here are some red flags you may have been gaslit from your provider:
They interrupt you often when sharing your concerns or answering their questions
They rush you through the conversation and appointment
They won’t discuss symptoms with you or ask you more questions about your symptoms
They let underlying biases affect their recommendations (race, social status, weight, gender)
They tell you it’s all in your head or that your symptoms can’t be “that bad”
They question the legitimacy of your medical history
They tell you that you are wrong in what you are thinking is wrong or what testing you need, but they refuse to fully explain why or what they are thinking
They refuse to collaborate with other providers on your healthcare team and worse, they tell you that your other providers are wrong without any explanation (as a dietitian, I see this one ALL OF THE TIME)
I apologize if you’ve gotten to this point with your heart racing and the desire to throw your computer or phone in anger of what you’ve experienced. It sucks to be gaslit by providers, especially when you wait a long time and pay a lot of money to see them.
I get it. I’ve been there and I wish it wasn’t a common problem.
While you can’t always prevent how others treat us, you can have tools for dealing with it when it happens.
What to do when you’ve been gaslit
Speak up for yourself in the appointment if you can or bring someone with you that can help advocate for you in the moment.
Find a new provider at a different practice if you can or request to be transferred to another provider in the same practice.
Report each incident to the clinical manager of the clinic or practice and leave a review to reduce harm for others. You can either ask the front desk of the clinic as you check out or call later if you need to in order to find the name and contact information for the clinical manager.
You can also contact the patient advocacy program at your medical center to help you navigate the situation, if they have one. You can ask for this information from the clinical manager or should be able to find it online.
Sometimes doctors simply make mistakes and if you communicate your experience, they may own up to it, apologize, and do better. It’s important to remember we are all humans and are capable of gaslighting without that being our intention. But if it happens over and over, and if the provider doesn’t take accountability or even listen to your complaint, it’s time to take further action and find better care for yourself.
Are you frustrated with your IBS symptoms? Do you desire to be confident in your food choices? Do you want to have a healthier relationship with your body and diet? Are you ready to take control of your IBS?
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